The Unchangeable of Me

It's now 1990. I'm forty-three years old, which would've seemed impossible to a fourth grader, and yet when I look at photographs of myself as I was in 1956, I realize that in the important ways I haven't changed at all. I was Timmy then; now I'm Tim. But the essence remains the same. I'm not fooled by the baggy pants or the crew cut or the happy smile—I know my own eyes—and there is no doubt that the Timmy smiling at the camera is the Tim I am now. Inside the body, or beyond the body, there is something absolute and unchanging. The human life is all one thing, like a blade tracing loops on ice: a little kid, a twenty-three-year-old infantry sergeant, a middle-aged writer knowing guilt and sorrow. (236)

When I look at my own life, I can see that I have changed. I have gotten taller, louder, smarter, wiser, but when I look deep into my eyes I still that shy little girl who hanged on mommy’s arm; a sweetheart who laughed at silly jokes made by her dad. A person may change, and change is most often needed, but the true essence of self remains through out a lifetime as O’Brien states. I know in my heart that some parts of me will never change. O’Brien says, “Inside the body, or beyond the body, there is something absolute and unchanging”. My morals and values will always be with me, because I believe that they are what shapes a child at a young age. I know I will always keep my faith in God, that I will always try to be that person who helps whenever they can, and I will always put my heart and soul into everything.

Change, I believe is essential for growth of a person. Change helps to determine who you will become. However, it your past that defines who you are and how that change will affect your life. My body, my likes and dislikes, my relationships may all change, but it my past and my memories and lessons learned will always be with. The are my unchangeable aspects of life. I will carry them for the rest of my life and pass them down to generations after mine.

Why I Write...Ishmael Beah

I have walked many roads during my life, some good, and some bad. I have always had a very photographic memory, ever since my grandfather gave me that medicine. My thoughts are carried with me everywhere like a heavy load on my back. I have seen horrible and tragic things, bloody and gruesome actions. The war took away my childhood that I so desperately wanted back. It makes furious that I allowed myself to be brainwashed and to fight and kill without an ounce of feeling. I feel shame for all the lives I took for the sake of “revenge”. Memories can not be erased and my memories seem as endless as the sand on the seashore. The sand reminds me of the time when the kind fisherman helped my friends and me after being set free from a hostile village.

I write because I remember and I want others to know what we boys went through. I do not write for others to feel sympathy. The things that happened in my life are in the past. Sympathy will get us nowhere, rather it is how you will respond and act to help prevent such tragic things to happen again. I would never wish it upon anyone to go through what I and many others did. I write for my culture. It is traditional in Mende culture to tell stories. I remember the many times that I heard the story of Bra Spider. I want to stray true to my heritage and carry on this tradition. But mostly I write for me and the people I love most. I want to share my story and answer the many questions that I have been asked. I have been blessed to be surrounded by friends and family that encourage and guide. I believe I owe it to them. I write because it’s the right thing to do.